One day, ex sees x2 running down the street in a panic.
"What’s wrong?" asks ex.
"There’s a Differential Operator in town!" yells x2. “If I run into him too many times, I’ll disappear!”
"Don’t worry," responds ex. “I’ll go have a chat with him. No, don’t worry about me- he can’t hurt me. After all, I’m ex.”
So ex walks down the street to the Differential Operator.
"My friend tells me you’re a Differential Operator," ex says pompously. “Well, I’m ex.”
"Pleased to meet you, ex,” says the Differential Operator. “I’m d/dt.”
…Whaat? You never know it might be right!
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”
Eight bytes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Can I get you anything?”
“Yeah,” reply the bytes. “Make us a double.”
Q. How did the programmer die in the shower?
A. He read the shampoo bottle instructions: Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
How many programers dose it take to change a light bulb?
None – It’s a hardware problem
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don’t.
A programmer walks to the butcher shop and buys a kilo of meat. An hour later he comes back upset that the butcher shortchanged him by 24 grams.
very long pause….
Programming is 10% science, 20% ingenuity, and 70% getting the ingenuity to work with the science.
Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
There are three kinds of lies: Lies, damned lies, and benchmarks.
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensible changes.”
At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
All programmers are playwrights, and all computers are lousy actors.
Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
“I just saw my life flash before my eyes and all I could see was a close tag…”
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
Debugging: Removing the needles from the haystack.
Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
A thin spout of water is drawn up through a layer of oil in the photo on the right. This simple version of the selective withdrawal experiment is illustrated in Figure A, in which a layer of viscous oil floats above a layer of water. A tube introduced in the oil sucks fluid upward. At low flow rates, only the oil will be drawn into the tube, but as the flow rate increases (or the tube’s height above the water decreases), a tiny thread of water will be pulled upward as well. The viscous outer fluid helps suppress instabilities that might break up the inner fluid, and their relative viscosities determine the thickness of the initial spout. In this example, the oil is 195 times more viscous than the water. (Photo credit: I. Cohen et al.)
Image description: A man using a manual chair wheels into the back of a small yellow car built for wheelchair users.
Amazing 404 pages! :)
Computer Science Resources Masterpost
I’ve been getting some questions about where to learn coding and other related skills online, so here are a bunch of resources for different types of learners! Feel free to add any I may have missed.
Courses and interactive learning:
Learn Python - Only teaches Python, but it has a compiler right on the bottom of the webpage, which takes out the sometimes confusing process of setting up to code. The tutorials look top notch and really get you thinking.
Project Euler - A more technical and math/logic based approach to learning. Confusing to some people and fun for others.
The Python Challenge - Similar to Project Euler, only with more logic I believe. I didn’t really like it because the problems had too many layers for me to focus easily, but others may find it rewarding.
MIT Open Courseware Electrical Engineering/Computer Science - A great resource for real MIT course content. Excellent for people who are good at learning in more classic traditional college type environments. You can pick and choose what you want to get started with and even choose more hardware related or software related courses, whatever you want to know!
Udacity - This is one I’ve used more than others. It consists of shorter lecture style videos and interactive problems to solve. I love this personally because I like lecture settings with a more hands on feel. The intro to computer science course teaches Python, which I am a huge fan of.
The New Boston - Great for audio/video oriented learners, with long but productive tutorials. I recommend the beginner Java series if you’re looking at this source.
The official Python Tutorial - This is in the Python documentation, and is sort of the straight from the source tutorial. I’ve never actually gone through it, but have referenced it before and in those cases it was quite handy.
The Java Tutorials - Same thing as the Python tutorials, this is part of the Java documentation website. I’ve never used it in my life but it may be worth a go!
Operating System Concepts, 8th Edition - A great operating systems book with lots of examples in the C language. I recommend this when you have your feet wet, because C can be very difficult for inexperienced programmers. It’s a low level language with a high level of control, so it can get really confusing if you’re inexperienced.
Introduction to the Theory of Computation - A VERY heavily theoretical book but a good one nonetheless. Lots of discussion about formal logic and languages, turing machines, computability, automata, and more. Good examples and although it’s a really dense read it’s still very good. This is much less coding and more theory. This is another read I wouldn’t start with but is good for experienced people.
These are just my favorites from my classes at school since I’m not a huge book learner.
Hope these help!